Joana Tischkau / Elisabeth Hampe

Do you want the rational sharpness of white masculinity alongside the physicality of black femmes? If you‘re looking for a way to combine the two, COLONASTICS is for you! COLONASTICS is the world‘s first fitness workout without the exoticizing bullshit of Zumba, the pseudo-spiritual, esoteric bells and whistles of white yoginis and neo-colonial appropriations! Why? Because it feeds solely on the physicality of white cultural practices. Stiffen your joints, throw your limbs uncontrollably and perfect your air guitar. Feel white supremacy flowing through our collective consciousness and become part of a movement that will revolutionize the fitness world. Push yourself to your limits with white body building, beat the beat at Berghain Bounce, let yourself be taken on a deeply relaxing post-racist dream journey or find your inner white man during a sweaty beer bike ride. Once you‘re hooked by the smell of sauerkraut juice and the pop tunes, you‘ll understand why Colonastics classes change everything! Mega-effective? Yes, they are!